Adultery in the Workplace

For my final blog post, I chose to discuss affairs in the work place, stemming from the article we discussed in class, “Adultery,” by Laura Kipnis and an outside source I found on the internet. “How budding workplace relationships are causing a crisis of infidelity,” states that the workplace has become the number one spot for infidelity to occur. Many marriages are ending because of the romantic love created at work, while away from their significant others. Statistics show that 82% out of 210 working people have admitted to having an affair, 50% of them being women. That statistic can easily frighten people out of getting married. The number of work related affairs has increased significantly over the last twenty years. The workplace is now known as the new “danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity.” Studies shown in the American Sociological Review and the Journal of Marriage and Family show prior to 1985, divorce rates were about equal among working and homemaking women. But, "between 1985 and 1992, the annual probability of divorce among employed wives exceeded that for non employed wives by 40 percent."

Laura Kipnis’ article is directed those who have committed adultery and the actions and feelings behind it. Are they truly in a happy marriage or are they just unsure about what they really want? Kipnis defines a sexual aspect of a happy marriage as, “ having-and wanting to have-sex with your spouse on something more than a quarterly basis. It would mean inhabiting a structure of feeling in which monogamy wasn't giving something up..” Do affairs occur solely because one is not happy with their marriage, the sex, or the lack there of. Kipnis talks about how attractive you feel during an affair. You feel “transformed,” she says. Through all the adrenaline released through the affair, the strong bond you two have made, Kipnis makes aware that “people will get hurt.” Whether its flirty emails, touching, flirting in person or actually cheating. People will get hurt. Whether its the cheater or the victim, someone is bound to get hurt. Often people wonder if there is shame after an affair happens. They already cheated on someone they vowed their trust to, are they emotionally dead? The reactions of children are also often heavily addressed. Will it ruin the family or will they never get busted? Will the children even understand what happened to their parents? There are so many questions that come up about affairs. Unfortunately, I know of too many circumstances where cheating has occurred and they’ve gotten caught. One happened to be the mother of one of my friends. She was caught cheating on her husband and eventually our whole school district found out. She was definitely stigmatized for her actions. It broke their whole family up and caused her oldest son to strongly dislike her for quite some time. It was never addressed to our district why she did it but apparently it went on for a long time. I know of another scandal that lasted for ten years. The interesting part of that affair was that the dad was cheating on his wife with his sons best friends mother. The two families went on vacations together and my friends dad and the other woman would sneak off together, leaving their spouses behind, clueless of what was really happening. That affair shocked me but most of all disgusted me. Strangely, they ended up getting married and are still together today. Although both examples weren't in the work place, it shows their is still a huge stigma against affairs no matter what the situation is.

An affair in the workplace that I witnessed that strikes me the most is the love triangle between three of the teachers who worked at my school. The math teacher was married to the french teacher and he started cheating on her with one of the english teachers. Soon the whole school found out and it turned real ugly. All their private business became everyone else's business at school. The french teacher would talk smack about her now ex husband and the english teacher, calling her a slut and completely trash talking them. The whole thing just showed how immature they truly were, getting the students involved. The math and french teacher had children but I’m sure all the students in my school knew more about it than their own kids. It started so much drama at school. When people would see the “afairees” walking down the hall together, people would point and stare. Some would even laugh. It created such a ridiculous situation at my high school and it only got worse as more information leaked out. 

Above is a clip from the series Mad Men. Don and Joan Harris briefly discuss why affairs may happen. Don says he "likes being bad and going home and being good." At another point in the clip, Don questions Joan because she commented how an affair they're witnessing was all the mans idea because "she can't give him what he wants." He corrects her by saying, "he doesn't know what he wants."


http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex_and_intimacy/managing_temptation/the_new_workplace_romance.aspx'

Jessica Singer